Godzilla 2014

Spoilers abound, beware and be warned.....

So Godzilla is back and let's get one thing straight right off the bat, he is awesome and by that I mean awe-inspiring in that he inspires awe. This isn't the pathetic t-rex lite wannabe who got bitch slapped by Ferris Bueller this is a titanic force of nature that is unleashed upon us lucky cinema-goers like a natural disaster. He is not good or evil he just is. 

The movie itself is good although not without issues, the Big G himself has surprisingly little screen time and director Gareth Edwards teases us throughout the film with brief shots of the legendary Kaiju and the destruction in his wake before abruptly cutting away to show the aftermath of the unseen carnage and it's only in the movies final quarter that the King of Monsters finally gets to fully unleash his fury. 

Obviously, with so little of the titular character it falls to the human element to carry the film for us and it is through these characters that we experience the full repercussions of the titanic behemoth's actions. Things start out strong with Cranston and Binoche suffering through the initial M.U.T.O assault but suprisingly both are quickly taken out of the equation and it's left to Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver to save the day, it's here that things start to slack. For starters Elisabeth Olsen spends the entire movie wandering about in doe eyed horror and panic leading up to the final scenes when, rather than flee to safety she decides to wait behind for her man to come and save her. That man in question being former Kick-Ass Aaron Taylor Johnston who is seamlessly poured into the 'generic action hero mould' and spends most of the films 2 hours trying to get home to his family, although truth be told he never really seems that bothered about it, it's like he just can't think of anything else he should be doing. Thankfully it's established early on that he is a bomb disposal expert and this skill keeps him relevant to the main story throughout the film...

So we spend most of the movie with Kick-Ass as he travels from America to Japan and back again because of course the monsters decide for some reason (in a classic case of hero bad luck syndrome) the best place for a smackdown is in his hometown. So after some basic exposition and exploration of a gorgeously realised ruined Japanese city that looks like it was lifted straight from The Last of Us, some concept art of the Cloverfield Monster comes to life and starts rampaging in a beeline to the nearest food source which happens to be radiation. Cue some visually stunning scenes of our funky looking foe chowing down on submarines and nuclear warheads before calling up one of his prehistoric exe's for an impromptu booty call.

Where does Godzilla fit into all this? Well thanks to Ken Watanabe's tireless exposition we learn that Godzilla is in fact nature's way of balancing itself and when he hears that a couple of no good lame ass monsters are preparing to shack up and spawn enough offspring to turn San Francisco into a new Monster Island he rises up fro the depths to put things straight! So yeah Godzilla is basically a scarier version of Captain Planet, just without the Speedos.

So Godzilla is here to save us and it's a good job too as the Military is ridiculously inept at fighting these things, to the point where I was almost expecting the Carry On crew to pop up manning one of the tanks. For starters they seem incapable of accurately tracking these 50 story monsters. Fair enough the M.U.T.O's emit an EMP deadzone which stops technology working within a mile radius (although quite why these remnants from a prehistoric age have anti-electronic weapons I don't know) but surely today's satellite imagery could follow a mile-wide electronic black spot? Also if you know it stops electronics from working why the fuck do you keep flying your planes at them? Seriously after the first couple of dozen, you think they would learn their lesson but noooo, the air force hurls jets at these things like a toddler throwing toys from its pram.

Another amusing thing, when the strike team are preparing for there halo drop the grim-faced soldiers meticulously check their pistols and rifles in the obligatory badass pre-battle scene... But for what? Missiles, tanks and nukes have no effect on these things what is the point of taking a pistol? What are you going to do with it? Throw it at them? Leave it behind and lose some excess weight.

The whole 'raid the nest' scene did bring back disheartening memories of Hollywood's last attempt to bring Godzilla to the big screen but thankfully it plays only a small part of the main story and is quickly dealt with without echoing too much of its dire predecessor.

All in all, I know I've moaned a lot but don't be disheartened, despite these minor irritations I really enjoyed Godzilla's rebirth and if you're a fan of the Big G or if you enjoyed similar flicks like Cloverfield or Pacific Rim then you probably will too. Godzilla is without a doubt the biggest badass ever to grace our screens and I for one hope that he returns soon, just with better foes and more screen time and Hollywood, please, whatever you do, leave Godzooki at home...